(Really Bad) Call Centre Humour

#inb4gropingcomment

I went out a few weeks ago with my work friends and I was bursting to tell them these puns but oh my Lord they were sooooooooooo fed up with hearing my jokes. It actually started at work and it wasn’t really about work. I was making small quips here and there based on names and situations. The work related ones I decided to write out and spring onto my friends later. (Namely Nabila and Stephanie – if you’re reading this hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii xoxoxoxo) Then right after work we went and met up with some others in Darling Harbour and I’m sure they wished I had a mute button.

This isn’t an exhaustive list of all the puns I said or wrote that day.If I wrote them all here, this page would get really, really long. I didn’t even say every one of them that I thought because I actually was concerned they’d be driven to insanity.

[On the train]
Me: *interrupts friends with another topic* Oh I’m sorry. Did I make you lose your train of thought?

[At the restaurant]
Me: You guys want me to shut the fork up with these puns?
Stephanie: I’m gonna stab you if you make another pun.
Me: That’s so knife of you.

nn

[View on Instagram]

[At laser tag]
Ishrat: Sabrina, I’m gonna rip your hair out if you say another one!
Me: That’s a very hair-raising statement to make.

Okay onto the call centre jokes! (They’re not good. Really not good. Only my older brother liked them. And I think he lied to me.)

  • I’m dialing of boredom at my call centre job.
  • What do you call it when a market researcher is looking around their location?
    Surveying.
  • What do you call it when a market researcher is outside, tied up, and dialing someone?
    Outbound calling.
  • Call centre supervisors have their headset on achieving their strike rates.
  • Don’t make too many jokes about getting rejected to someone who makes outbound calls for a living. They might get really hung up about it.
  • I became a market research interviewer because it was my calling.
  • A market research company had fossilised carbon thrown at their building while employees were working.
    I guess you could say they were coal’d calling… 😎
  • I got a phone call from a meowing market researcher.
    The only time in my life I’ve ever been cat called.
    (My brother said he really liked this one so I think that means it was purrticularly bad.)
  • A woman inadvertently agreed to complete some customer satisfaction surveys for a furniture store. She was sick of the phone calls.
    All she had wanted was one night stand.

There were heaps more but they got more specific with research jargon and I wasn’t bothered to write out heaps of context. (So I guess my coworkers can expect a few more bad jokes hurled their way.)

An extra cringe-worthy one I’m dedicating to my pal, Nabila:
Did you hear about the Australian market researcher who was craving a chocolate biscuit? She had an OzTimTam.

I’m confident Nabila actually likes my jokes deep down. She told me she’s repeated some to others. She makes my heart smile that girl does! When we got our invites to the work Christmas party I sent her the following texts and got to watch her suppress an eye roll right next to me. LOVE YA. NABS.

And now, an assortment of miscellaneous survey related humour. No credit to me for these.

A Brief SurveyΒ download

download (2)

I’ll stop here. There’s an abundance of these out there haha.

A shout out to Ishrat! I’m sorry I’m so weird. I’d try to stop but I know you actually love me like this. xo

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